We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
