I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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