this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
