When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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