are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
