I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
