So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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