you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
