Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
