I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
as a side note pls kill me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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