remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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