Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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