birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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