So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
