Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
