I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
