you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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