Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
