this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
