im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
