So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
