absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
