I smell stomach acid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm sobbing to NWA
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
