Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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