We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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