We're like a lot better than the average bears
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
