Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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