So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
is it fun? or sober?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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