She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
