Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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