Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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