That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
