Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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