You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
