hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I wish you could order shots online.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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