sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
