Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
