so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
