While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
