my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
