Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
