Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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