i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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