How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
