I wannas sexs uuuuu
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
