i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Randomize
