I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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