i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
