she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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