Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
