my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
