Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
