Where did you get a picture of my penis
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
