My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
